3rd February 2012

Text with 2 notes

I’m hoping that this will be my last post regarding you.

I’ve finally reached a point in which I really am content with what has happened regarding the last “almost” of my love life. I’ve replayed the past month over and over again. I’m not going to say I deserve better, and I’m not going to say he deserves me. I’m not going to say he’ll never get a chance with me, and I’m not going to say I’ll never consider dating him again.

We were two people who stumbled across an attraction for each other, and the thing that went wrong was the way we tried to nurture it.

Maybe I could have fallen for this guy, and maybe I could have tied him down, but those things don’t matter because the time that was spent between the beginning and the end was enough to learn about myself.

He could have been the right person at the wrong time, but the fault is in the condition rather than ourselves. And by coming to terms with that, I can happily keep him in my life as a friend whom I once fancied.

Tagged: collegecrush

25th January 2012

Text with 3 notes

I spent a year and a half liking you.

I’ve liked you

on and off and on and off

for far too long and

far too quickly

only to fall so far

from what I need into a pool

of what I want.

And for a year and a half

of liking you

on and off and on and off,

I was frustrated.

Frustrated that it had to be you.

Now

on and off and on and off 

I fumble with myself

faking what I feel for you

when all I want to do is

forget about the text

that informed me that

you, unfortunately,

are not meant to be.

Tagged: collegecrushdon't mind mejust playing with repetition and alliterationcause i haven't written anything in nearly 6 months

11th January 2012

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The last thing I want to do is lose myself in college.

I know this is the time you’re supposed to be experimental and daring. I spent all of high school doing that, and I’m aware of myself enough to know when I’m starting to lose who I am.

When it came to you, I wasn’t me. I’m stopping the nicknames, the flirting, the whatever else is going on. I’m not putting myself on the line for someone who can’t even tell I am.

Tagged: collegelifecrush

11th January 2012

Text

It’s a bummer that you don’t get to pick who steals your heart.

I know a guy. I know a guy who deserves the best and would make me do my best to give it to him. I know a guy who I can talk to and nap next to like we’ve known each other for our whole lives. I know a guy that will be there when I need him, and when he can’t be, he will be soon. I know a guy that I would suggest to every girl looking for a boyfriend (but only if they can treat him right). I know a real Prince Charming, but we’re not attracted to each other in that way.

We have a streak of bad taste when it comes to dating. We have connection. We have a bond. We have comfort. We have trust. We have so many things that many relationships lack, but we’re missing the feelings that tie it all together into the perfect package.

I’m going to sit here and wonder why I can’t fall for this guy, because he’s one of the most amazing people in my life.

Tagged: collegelovecrushfriendship

1st January 2012

Text with 5 notes

It felt amazing to finally get it off my chest.

I spent thirty minutes talking to my coworker, Victoria, after my shift. I finally had the chance to admit it out loud: I’m hesitant because I don’t want to be the second choice. She’s seen exactly what’s been going on, and she’s probably a lot more aware than I am. It was nice to just have someone say exactly what’s been on my mind the entire time, especially for her to say it to me. I know what I need to do, and I need to do it fairly soon.

Regardless of how I feel and how long I’ve felt this way, I need to clarify that I’m either his first choice or I’m not an option. I’m not a rebound girl or a hook up. I’m either someone he wants to try to date or his friend, not a crossbreed friends with benefits.

Tagged: collegecrush

31st December 2011

Text

CRASHING AND BURNING RIGHT NOW.

I’m trying really hard to not be too obvious with the flirting. You know you’ve failed when you admit that you’re trying not to flirt.

Tagged: crush